Tag Archives: prose

“My Mother Noticed A Pattern”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry at work. Never in front of coworkers, especially not in front of customers. Cry in front of your friends; let them know you’ve been hurt. They need to know; they think you’re an ice cold bitch. They don’t respect your feelings, you’re a bitch. You’re not a bitch but I can see why they’d think that. I can see why they’d hate you, that’s all I’m saying. A strong, independent thinking woman who doesn’t need anybody and won’t ask for help. Why don’t you ever ask for help? People need people, you need them. Tell her you need her. Go back home and tell her, you need her as a friend now more than ever. Some girls give up on their friends when they find a new man. She’ll be missing you. Who will she call when they fight, when they break up, when she needs to move out, when she needs somewhere else to go to be alone, when she realizes her mistake and misses you? Why didn’t she tell you? You always take care of other people, when does someone take care of you, when is it your turn? You never take responsibility for your part in it all. You’re defensive, you’re never wrong, it’s never you, you are the problem. Stop pretending like you aren’t in pain, stop pretending the last four years didn’t matter and you don’t care it’s over. What’s wrong with you? Why is it always this way with you? You’re so willing to just give up on your friendships so quick when you think you’ve been wronged. There’s no give and take, no acceptance of your part in it all. You never forgive them; never try to work it out. It’s still your home, they’re still your friends, go back. Tell them. Tell them what you’re thinking. Ask them why? Why! You don’t keep your word. This is why they hate you, you break your promises. You’re so unreliable; it’s really no wonder. It’s all so childish; at least you’re acting like an adult, you’re so immature, just as bad as them. You can’t just run out every time there’s a problem; nothing ever gets resolved. You think I don’t have snarky things to say to him? Ignore him. Ignore her. Leave your key and leave. I want you to get revenge, never take revenge, take the highroad. Don’t sink to their level, even when they treat you how they do. How are things between you now? When was the last time you saw her? She’ll get what’s coming to her. One day she’ll be alone and think of you. She’ll remember your friendship, she’ll need a friend now, more than ever, and you won’t be there and it will kill her. She’ll regret it all, it will hurt her whenever she thinks of you, every time she sees you and covers her face like peek-a-boo with a four year old. She always was too immature, obviously she is great; she is your best friend for a reason. Forgive her, try to bury the hatchet. It’s a better place to be than pain and hate. You don’t want to end up alone, forgive her. You’ll end up alone, forgive your friends and keep them. Even if they don’t want you back, try to talk to them.

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Cherry Tree mess all cleaned upI hung up the phone as the rotting tree branch broke from my parents old cherry tree. It landed right in the middle of the drive way, blocking the path. I knew in that moment we were never going to be friends again. Life had spun us around and around until we were dizzy enough to run in different directions. I’d collided into buildings and concrete and glass laden streets and wasn’t ready to give it up.

I guess there comes a time in every persons life when they have to stop holding onto high school friendships that couldn’t survive college separation.  I guess there is a time to stop pretending we still have each other’s backs. I guess he already did.

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